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What Self Love Really Looks Like

Updated: Mar 2

In the past few years, I have heard people speak about self-love more than ever. The problem is that 99% of the time, the self-love described is self ‘pampering’. From body scrubs to bath bombs to candles. This isn’t necessarily bad as it is good to treat yourself but that is an extremely limited view of what self-love is. Self-love includes not just the pampering treatments and things that bring us joy but encapsulated within self-love is self-discipline. I take the view that self-discipline is the highest form of love you can show to yourself.


When you practise self-discipline you:

  • Set boundaries

  • Take care of your body and mind

  • Understand and stand firm on your values

  • Hold yourself accountable & are honest with yourself

  • Are intentional with your choices

Self-love is a topic with depth and the above points are vital in showing that love to yourself. It is necessary that they are exemplified because in practice they can be quite difficult to implement into life.


Set boundaries

Firstly, setting boundaries with yourself. This includes environments you choose to dwell in, foods you choose to eat, the music you choose to listen to and activities you decide to participate in. Are these things having a negative or positive impact? If the answer is negative, that is where self-discipline kicks in. Having the courage and determination to make changes in your life and limit what you’re investing yourself in.

Secondly, making your boundaries clear to others. Making it clear about the treatment you will and you will not allow. Not becoming dependent on others to feel whole. Learning to say no to things you don’t want to participate in.





Take care of your body and mind

Exercise and eating right also takes discipline. It’s easy to make up excuses as to why we are not taking the time to get fit or to relax. It can be said that once you manage to maintain healthy eating habits and prioritising exercise, self-discipline in other areas of life becomes easier. Taking a moment out of your day to be still and be mindful: to reconnect with yourself. Making that time and actually being still during those moments away from devices in a social media generation takes mental strength.


Understand and stand firm on your values

In order to be disciplined, you have to know where your principles lie and what you are trying to uphold and enforce in your life. Loving yourself means setting a standard and that standard is based on what you consider to be important in all areas of life. Sit down and take time to think about what you value and if this is being reflected in your lifestyle.


Hold yourself accountable & be honest with yourself

A MAJOR part of self-love is being honest with yourself. Getting connected with your flaws and acknowledging your mistakes. Linking with your feelings and being truthful as to why you feel that way but also recognising when your feelings are deceptive. Additionally, holding yourself accountable for your behaviours, for the way you show yourself love and show others.


Be intentional with your choices

Being self-disciplined means thinking before acting. Learning to restrain yourself if necessary from saying or doing certain things that you know may cause problems in the long run. However, also encouraging yourself to push out of your comfort zone and make choices that will challenge you.


It is important to remember; how you treat yourself sets a guide for how others treat you. How you see and relate to yourself often rolls into how you treat others around you whether consciously or subconsciously.


Written by Tanesha

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